re-integrating after deep self exploration.

a huge part of the healing/spiritual journey is taking a time out from your external world & completely immersing yourself in well, yourself. in the tarot community, we call this hermit mode. hermit mode can consist of exploring every crevice of yourself & taking that wisdom forward w/ you on your journey. i feel what isn’t talked about enough is the pains/struggles of totally ripping yourself apart, becoming someone completely different & then trying to re-enter your external world as this new person.

when you have stripped yourself down & left yourself w/ nothing but rawness & a blank canvas.. this can be a troubling & scary space to be in. this is the unknown. this is when you’re in the depths of you that you haven’t yet discovered or explored. where you have no clue what your next steps will be & you can’t even see your life more than a day ahead. this space will have you feeling like “who tf am i? wtf is this all for? where am i going? what am i doing? will this ever end?” lemme tell y’all first though, it ends lol. eventually! the key is commitment, consistency & grace. grace w/ yourself is so important as you are your most tender, vulnerable self in this space. you may be easily triggered but, even these triggers can give you insight to who you are & what more needs to be healed. i personally feel the whole point of the healing/spiritual journey is to get back to the core of ourselves. to who we authentically are. to who we were before all the programming & learning.

hermit mode can be a time of facing the fears you have against yourself. you can go thru life “blaming” external forces for your lack of movement or lack of whatever but, when you take a deeper dive & look at things from a higher sense of awareness, you come to realize it’s been you vs. you the entire time. you also come to realize things have been happening for you & not against you.

while being in this space, your connection w/ god/the divine will grow & strengthen tremendously. it has to. otherwise, it’ll be nearly impossible to make it thru lol. god/the divine is the light in your darkness. you are the light in your darkness. this is the space you discover unconditional love & understanding.

now, when you make your way out of hermit mode & that dark twisted tunnel & you find stability/security in who you are & your purpose; you see life differently & you see people differently. it can be difficult to figure out how this different version of yourself fits into the same world. this is why it is very important to have patience & be gentle w/ yourself & even others. just as you are adapting to this new version of you, so are they. this actually introduces a whole new set of “tests” & a point i’d like to make here is that tests are not about passing or failing. they are simply about applying the knowledge you have accumulated in your "studies"

those closest to you may trigger you & assume situations based on a version of you that no longer exists. it is up to you to speak up & stand firm on yourself as you integrate into their lives & allow others to integrate into your new way of being. this is a challenging piece of the journey bc you have to figure out how these people fit into your life at this point. what role they play. how much of you they receive. it’s all about pulling that internal balance out. ensuring your external world reflects the balance you have built w/in. this piece of the journey can also bring on a sense of guilt or “survivor’s remorse” bc people may feel as if they are being left in the cold or feel as if you think you’re better than them or what have you. understand though, the way other people react to you is not your responsibility. govern yourself. be your fullest self w/o remorse. enforce yourself w/o remorse. lean on divine strength here.

during this space of change & transition it is best to just simply flow. you will experience frustration, you will experience anger, sadness, happiness, empowerment, etc. you will feel everything & the best thing you can do is allow yourself to feel everything. the most helpful thing you can do though, is give it all to god. even the “ugly” parts. god does not wish to ignore any parts of you. you do not always have to go to god perfect & golden & gracefully. you can go to god in any weather. if you are frustrated w/ god, speak directly to god about it. god understands you are human & that you will experience periods of impatience, fear, doubt & insecurity. share your shadow as much as you share your light, surrender to divine timing, rest when you feel called & embrace your role as a co-creator. simply put, just play your part🤍

i would love to hear from y'all! connect w/ me in the comment section below. share your experience, share your concerns, share your opinions, share whatever you feel called. this is an open, safe space.

you can also connect w/ me on instagram @thedivinehotline or, on twitter @emilykay727.